Just A Letter
by PhoenixiaO.O
Summary: Izaya decides to write Shizuo a letter containing an explanation of his true feelings towards the blonde. How will the blonde react? Written in Izaya's POV. Changed to m-rated for later chapters/fluff/drama/smut/Shizaya. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

"What am I doing?" I said as I crumpled the piece of paper up and threw it towards the litterbin. Writing letters had never been my speciality, and certainly not when they were to someone I really hated or…

I had no idea of how many pieces of papers I had torn to smithereens, but I could see that my litterbin was filled to the edge already. Even small balls of white paper lay around it. Damn it, I emptied it yesterday.

Damn it, can it really be _that _hard to write a letter? What am I afraid of? That he'll give me a disgusted look? That he'll yell at me? Hurt me? What?

I took a deep breath as I took a new piece of paper and placed the pencil at the top of the white paper.

"How should I start this?" I mumbled to myself as I stared at the blank paper like it would have an answer for me.

_Dear Protozoan. _"No, no, no!" I yelled frustrated and crumpled the paper. I sighed as I let the paper ball fall down beside the litterbin, joining all the other balls of paper.

A new piece of paper.

_Dear Shizu-chan. _I pulled away and stared at the paper, tilting my head. "Hmm, yeah. That's a good start." I nodded to myself. Well done. Now that I've gotten this far, I deserve a break. I need some hot chocolate!

"Ahh.." I sighed in relief as I got up from the chair and stretched my body. I've been sitting down for several hours, so I really needed to walk around.

I made my way to the kitchen, finding a cup and the chocolate liquid. Ah, yes. This was definitely what I needed. I found a little pot in the cupboard and put it on the stove. Pouring the contents in the pot, I turned it on, slowly letting it heat the pot up.

Glancing out of the window I noticed snow falling ever so softly against my window. It was winter after all and cold, so hot chocolate sure was a brilliant idea. I stirred in the pot and inhaled the sweet scent of chocolate. Umm, I always got this strange need for strawberries whenever I smelled chocolate. How strange.

Deciding not to eat strawberries, since there weren't any for sale at this time of year, I made my way back to my small office. I sighed as I noticed the piece of paper. I took a sip of the hot chocolate and placed the cup on the coaster. Back to work. Although this really wasn't work, it was _hard work _for me to write a simple letter. Sigh.

"Dear Shizu-chan.." I read aloud. Damn it! That sounded so… mother-like. I sighed once again and crumpled the paper, letting it fall to its doom on the floor.

"I could replace the 'dear' with a 'hey'!" I exclaimed happily as I grabbed a new piece of paper and scribbled what I just said down.

"Hey Shizu-chan." I said happily with a smile on my lips. That smile soon disappeared as I noticed that it sounded more ridiculous than the 'dear'.

I let my head fall down onto the desk with a loud thud. I groaned in annoyance as I crumpled the paper and tossed it over my shoulder, not even bothering about the litterbin anymore.

That was when I got a brilliant idea.

I sat up straight again and wrote something else on the paper than 'hey' and 'dear'.

_Shizu-chan._

"Much better!" I smiled satisfied. "Okay, I will stick to this now." I mumbled to myself.

I had so many things I wanted to write down, but I doubted that it would be able to fit on the paper.

I leaned back in my swivel chair, spun around a few times as I bit on the end of the pencil to think of a way to reword what I was thinking.

_Shizu-chan_

_It's been several years since we've seen each other._

"No." I mumbled and threw the piece of paper away.

_Shizu-chan_

_Do you really hate me?_

"Nope." I raised a brow and threw that paper away too.

_Shizu-chan_

I stared at the nickname, tapping the pencil against my cheek as I thought about what to write.

_I love you._

_All these years we have despised each other. They were in vain. For me that is._

I stopped and stared at what I had written and was about to crumple the paper, but stopped. "It _is _what I want to say…" I mumbled, blushing a bit.

_Yes, I loved teasing you, mocking you. Even hating you. Wanting to kill you._

_'I hate you.'_

_Those three words. Is that just a façade? Am I afraid of approaching my own feelings when I cast those words at you?_

_What is hate?_

_Just a bad excuse to stay close to you?_

I stopped and stared at the paper. "I was doing so great.. and now, I've got a writer's blockage. Great." I sighed and lay the pencil beside the paper.

* * *

A few hours had passed since I last wrote on the letter.

_Just a reason to dig my feelings deeper down? Letting them be put away in the darkest corner of my heart?_

_Finally I realized what my feelings meant. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I do not think it will be necessary to throw any more heavy objects at me._

I couldn't help but laugh a bit at that. I wanted a somewhat funny comment in the letter or it'd become too dark and sad.

_Shizu-chan. Hate and love are two different things and I have been stuck with the fake word in my brain for so long now. I just want to get rid of it and use the right word from now on._

_I love you._

"That's about it I guess." I mumbled and read the whole letter in my head:

_Shizu-chan_

_I love you._

_All these years we have despised each other. They were in vain. For me that is._

_Yes, I loved teasing you, mocking you. Even hating you. Wanting to kill you._

_'I hate you.'_

_Those three words. Is that just a façade? Am I afraid of approaching my own feelings when I cast those words at you?_

_What is hate?_

_Just a bad excuse to stay close to you?_

_Just a reason to dig my feelings deeper down? Letting them be put away in the darkest corner of my heart?_

_Finally I realized what my feelings meant. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I do not think it will be necessary to throw anymore heavy objects at me._

_Shizu-chan. Hate and love are two different things and I have been stuck with the fake word in my brain for so long now. I just want to get rid of it and use the right word from now on._

_I love you._

I felt how the lump in my throat became bigger and made it hard for me to swallow. I was dead nervous. How on earth was I going to give this letter to the stubborn, thick-headed blonde I seem to love so much?

"I wonder if he'll even understand what I'm writing." I sighed.

I wanted this letter to be perfect in some way. I didn't want Shizuo to see that I'd been erasing so many times to write a damn letter.

* * *

Just something quick! I don't know if I'll make a story out of this or not... but umm, yeah. If I get enough reviews I might just do it :)


	2. Chapter 2

I slid on my fur coat. Then off again.

I sighed and slid it back on again. Turning around to grab the letter, which lay on the little table under the mirror, I froze at the touch of the material.

Was I really about to do this? Great, I might just return home with a broken nose or a black eye. Or both.

I dragged the envelope off of the table and held it in my hands, thinking it all over. I slipped it in under my coat, hiding it away in the inner pocket. I stuck both hands in the outer pockets, feeling the flick blade lying there, just waiting to be used.

With a satisfied nod I headed to the door.

* * *

"Damn it's cold out here," I muttered to myself as I made my way down the street. The snow fell elegantly on and around me. Some even made its way down my neck and under the fur coat. I shivered at the cold feeling against my still warm skin. I slowly felt how the tip of my nose went numb; my ears too. A colour red coated the skin from ear to ear, making me look like a person with a cold or something.

I felt how my teeth started clattering. It was annoying. Like I didn't have enough on my mind. I might just catch a cold by doing this. Well, I could always go home and wait for ano-, no! I had to do this. If I backed out now, I knew I'd never get it done.

I stopped anyway, just to look at children playing cheerfully in the snow. Oh, how humans sure were interesting. A little smile formed on my lips.

"You'll never be able to catch me!" The young boy laughed wholeheartedly at the other.

I shook my head to get rid of some of the snow, and dragged my hands out of the pockets. I pulled the coat's ends closed and was on my way again.

As I was walking, I kept thinking of the children I had seen just a while ago.

Had Shizuo and I ever been like that?

I had no memories of my childhood whatsoever, so maybe there was a slight chance that Shizuo and I had attended the same kindergarten. I wondered if we had played tag, baked sand-cakes. Maybe even… held hands? Maybe we had slept over at one another's places? Shared the same ice cream?

I couldn't just shake the thought off of me. Since I had concluded that I had feelings for the brute, I might as well just be honest with myself. But then again. Wouldn't it be foolish to think of such things if they weren't real?

"I'm giving myself false hopes," I sighed annoyed as I entered the train station. The snow melted almost instantly and soaked my dark hair. I shook my body and got rid of most of the snow; the rest had already melted.

* * *

I cursed at myself for not using my hood earlier. How foolish of me. I was thinking about too many things, and now I was certain to catch that cold.

The loud sounds from the train faded away as I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how Shizuo would react to the letter I had spent so much time on writing.

I came walking down the alleyway, nervous as hell of course, but I managed to stay calm.

"I thought I could smell some flea around here," the obviously furious blond had snarled at me.

"Come now, Shizu-chan… I mean no harm today," I answered, smiling.

"I couldn't give a damn." The blonde marched up to me and grabbed my coat, lifting me from the ground.

"Actually, I have something for you." I reached into my inner pocket, completely ignoring Shizuo's death glare. I showed Shizuo the letter and he immediately put me down, and snatched the envelope from me.

"What the hell's this?" He growled and ripped it open, without damaging the contents of course.

I stayed calm, just watching the expression which was painted on the brute's face.

The moment Shizuo had read the letter he looked up at me, gaping. He threw the envelope and paper aside and held my head in his hands.

I blinked in confusion and looked up into his amber irises. That was when he leaned in ever so slowly to place a soft ki-.

"Sir, can I see your ticket please?"

I opened my eyes instantly and looked up to meet a pair of tired eyes. I showed him the ticket and he was off again.

"Just when it was getting so good," I muttered to myself.

I closed my eyes again, but I couldn't get myself to think the exact same thing as before. Other various things would pop up instead, and I decided to leave the thought. I would have to wait and see.

The moment the train screeched to a halt I felt a lump of _something _in my throat, making it hard for me too breathe and swallow properly. This is ridiculous. I shouldn't be like this at all!

I calmly left the train, although I was somehow panicking inside. I knew that the moment I stepped off of that train there was no way to turn back. Well, for now that is. It was not like I wanted to hang out on the train station anyway. Although my precious humans do wander around here, it just seemed like such a boring place. But it was enjoyable, watching people rush back and forth between trains.

As much as I enjoy watching humans, I had to leave the place.

The icy wind struck my cheek and I instantly swung the hood up over my head, to get warm.

'_I wonder what Shizu-chan's doing right now…' _I thought as I wandered through the streets of Ikebukuro. At some point Shizuo would come to me. It had always been like that. The dog sniffing out the cat. But this time the cat won't hiss and run off.

Once in a while I would stick my hand into my inner pocket to check if the precious work of art was still there.

Hours had passed, and I was started to get tired of walking around, either looking for the blond or just looking around. The sun had already set and it was getting dark. At least the snow had found its resting places on the ground and buildings; anywhere.

"Of course, when you're _looking _for the damn brute, he's nowhere to be found… And when you don't look for him he's always there!" I complained as I sat down on the nearest bench with a loud thud. I leaned back and let my head tilt backwards, sighing. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and closed my eyes.

A few minutes passed. The only sounds surrounding me were those of cars driving by. "Shizu-chan…" I let out in a rather hoarse tone. I was exhausted. Now I knew that eating nothing today was a bad idea after all. I probably didn't even have the energy to walk to the train station.

Out of nowhere a loud screech sound was heard and thereafter a sound of bending a metal sign filled my ears. I looked around to figure out where that sound came from. Seeing nothing I got up from the bench and took a few steps away from it, looking for what was about to come after me. Ah, yes. I knew that sound all too well. With a smirk plastered on my lips I waited for _my _Shizu-chan to come at me.

* * *

Okay, I decided to continue it… hope you'll enjoy it :)


	3. Chapter 3

"Izaya-kun~." A husky voice grumbled.

The beast was nearing me. I could almost feel his angry aura. I'll admit it; Shizu-chan sure could be scary at some times. But I won't run or hide this time; it's time to face my biggest problem yet.

I sighed deeply at the oncoming monster. Great. I really didn't want to be beaten up, but if I really want Shizu-chan to get my letter I just had to suck it up and take a few punches; like a man. Ha, good one. I think I'll do this the easy way, for me that is.

"Calm down Shizu-chan." I smiled, hoping I seemed somewhat calm.

"Tch. Calm down, you say?" A vein popped out at Shizuo's temple, obviously annoyed.

Pointing at his face I said: "You know, if you keep making that expression you'll get more wrinkles than you can possibly count." Smirking, I saw how his expression changed. Right, that probably was a bit too cocky. He didn't go from angry to just plainly annoyed. No, no. Angry to pretty much furious. I guess sometimes I should just stay quiet.

The metal sign came flying towards me, it's intention: hitting me. Shizu-chan never learns from his mistakes. I stepped aside and the metal sign came crashing into the bench where I had been sitting just a few minutes ago. Looking at it with amazed eyes I began to feel a bit out of luck. Poor bench. It hadn't done a thing at all.

"Shizu-chan.. that wasn't very nice." I pouted as I turned to look at my nemesis. The blond was clenching his fists, thinking about the easiest way to send me flying to the other side of the earth. I like reading his expressions. They can be awfully hilarious sometimes. I dared my life and took a step closer to the brute.

Oh, I'm not flying yet. I guess I was wrong about that one. Maybe he won't send me flying this time? Could this be my lucky day? Although I would really want to try flying like the birds, but I don't want Shizu-chan to help me with that. He makes everything so painful.

Spoke too soon.

Before I could even think about what to do, he had me by the collar of my coat. And I even lost contact with the ground.

"You little piece of shit. I'm going to kill you, right here, right now." He hissed.

I wasn't really paying attention to his words. That vein throbbing at his temple was much more interesting. I just felt like looking at him. No talking, just looking.

But of course, Shizu-chan had to ruin that by shaking my body, giving me a headache.

"Ouch, Shizu-chan, take it easy." I frowned. My hands were practically glued to his arm, I just couldn't move them. I started thinking about my hands on his arm. Even though the shirt was in the way it still felt… nicer than all the other times.

"Tch, you louse!" Shizuo growled and threw me to the side. Luckily I landed in the somewhat soft snow. It didn't help that much but whatever. My arm started throbbing, what a drag.

I slowly came up to a sitting-position, gently holding my hand over the sore spot on my arm. "Ow.. ow.." I muttered.

As I looked up at the blond, he had already pulled the bench out from the ground; the metal sign still plunged straight through it. He held it above his head, ready to throw. I quickly got up of the ground and jumped to the side as the bench landed on the ground with a great big screeching sound. It hurt my ears.

I thought I landed safely on my feet on the ground, but somehow I had ended up on my butt in the cold snow.

Wait, what just happened?

I rubbed my lower back which stung like hell. Looking next to me I saw the light-yellow envelope lying there, surrounded by snow. My eyes flew open and I reach for the envelope but a foot was set on my hand.

Shizuo leaned down and snatched the envelope. He looked at it with a sceptical expression.

"No, no, no… that's…" I stopped, looking up at the still angry blond.

"What are you hiding, klutz?" Shizuo mumbled.

Klutz? Why call me that? I haven't done anything clumsy.

"Klutz?" I repeated, confusion written all over my face. "Would you mind moving your foot?"

Shizuo stepped down on my hand and then moved it. I pulled my sore hand to my chest and nuzzled it.

"You slipped in the snow, dumbass. Looked pretty stupid." Shizuo mumbled as he roughly opened the envelope.

I didn't care about me slipping in the snow, therefore I instantly shouted: "Don't rip it open like that!" My body tensed.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow and stared at me, the folded piece of paper halfway out of the envelope. I slumped back down and nuzzled my hand. A light red painted my cheeks. Looking away, I tried to calm down. My feelings were all over the place. I couldn't control myself.

Dare I look up at him? I closed my eyes. All kinds of thoughts went through my head. What would happen? Am I going to die here? Will he kiss me? What? _What?_ I was anxious to see his face, but it was so, _so _silent. I couldn't take it. I was slowly panicking. Therefore I came to this conclusion: I'm dead.

I squeezed my eyes shut, just waiting for a smack on the head.

Ever so slowly I reopened my eyes and blinked, staring at the snow. All of a sudden it felt so cold when it had felt so warm before. The wind felt chillier. The pain in my hand and lower back subsided.

Am I dead?

No, I'm definitely still here. I can feel my heart beating; not fast nor slow.

I really should look up at Shizuo, but the snow seemed more interesting. It's ridiculous, really. Allowing myself to become like all other humans. I guess I underestimated a lot of feelings. Love sure is powerful. It could even be immortal. It can't be beaten by other feelings.

But does that mean that everyone can become immortal by being loved or to love someone? I crave for immortality, but I didn't know it would be so hard to get. When two people love each other… does that create something… special? Like immortality?

Moments passed. I knew Shizu-chan was still there, but he didn't say anything. Did I stun him? Did I anger him? Did I scare him?

My heart started beating really fast as I heard the sound of paper being crumpled. It felt hot again. I was nervous. So much for immortality. I closed my eyes in disappointment, but also in relief as I realized it was over.

I frowned as I felt the ball of paper hitting the back of my head. That hurt. So much.

* * *

3rd chappie. Here you go~! Sorry for the long wait.. I'm such a douche when it comes to updating quickly. Hope you're still there! Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

Even though it was just a ball of paper it still hurt so badly. It felt like the entire world came crashing down on me.

For a brief moment it was completely quiet. I was even uncertain of Shizuo still standing behind me. Should I turn around and meet those caramel orbs?

I was about to face him, but that was when I heard footsteps, slowly moving away from me. The brute really knew how to make it all worse, huh?

_'Wait.' _I wanted to say that, but I couldn't say it. What did I truly want from him by giving him this letter? The truth of course, and I got it. The hard way. The cruel way. Shizuo has never been kind to me… not one bit. Never. Why should it be any different this time?

I listened to the footsteps crunching their way through the fresh snow. The further away they were the colder it got around me.

The wind sent chills down my spine. All senses came back to me. I clenched my fists and turned to find no Shizuo near me. He was gone. I looked down to find the ball of paper lying there next to me, all crumpled up and wet from the snow. I took it into my hands and stared at it; a blank expression on my face.

My hand and lower back hurt, but the pain wasn't as great as before. I might just be able to walk home.

What was I thinking? Opening up to that damned brute. I must have been out of my mind. It was ridiculous of me to show my true feelings towards him. I should've kept them hidden deep inside of me. Deep down where I would almost let them be forgotten. I felt humiliated, sitting there in the snow, waiting for his answer. I'm such a fool.

I got up on two shaky legs; I didn't feel so good after all. I stuffed the letter into my pocket and took a deep breath. I was about to walk away but a voice stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I froze.

"Tch. You can't even walk, Izaya-kun."

Stop it. Have you already cast aside what just happened, you dumb brute?

"Oi," the voice stopped.

"Shut up." I whispered. A tear was threatening to spill. My hands were clenched. My eyes were squeezed shut. My whole body was tense.

I heard him nearing me. What should I do? Run? Hide? Hit him? Shout at him?

Without thinking I turned around, facing a rather calm blond. "Go away!" I shouted, the tear making its way down my pink cheek. "Leave me alone." The last sentence came out as a whisper.

Shizuo didn't seem to stop at all. He gained on me. There was no anger in his eyes. No intention of killing. Nothing.

He had changed. I could feel it.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, trying to calm down and wipe the tears away.

Not a word came out of the brute's mouth. Before I knew it he was standing right in front of me, looking down at me with that annoying blank expression.

"Dumb, stupid bru-." I hissed right up into his face.

"Would you just shut up?" He cut me off.

I frowned. What the hell was going on?

"You can't go home in the state you're in." Was all he said before grabbing my arm and pulling me across the snowy ground.

"Hey! Let go!" I tried to get loose but his grip on my arm only tightened.

"What are you doing all of a sudden?" I asked instead and decided to follow. Shizuo was definitely different than from before.

He didn't answer, and I felt the urge to hit him on the head.

"Why won't you answer me?"

"Just shut up and follow. Is it really that hard?" He finally said.

There was no point in arguing with him at all. Stubborn brute. Now that I thought about it, where was he taking me?

* * *

I bumped into Shizuo as he suddenly stopped. I looked around, noticing that there weren't that many buildings here, only snow, snow and more snow. Oh, and trees. But they were covered in snow too. Shizuo was standing in front of me, blocking my vision. I stepped aside and noticed a little flat right in front of us.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously.

I hadn't been paying attention to where we had been walking the entire time. I had been too focussed on my thoughts.

"Just follow." Was all he said. Dumb brute. He wasn't making any sense at all. But without complaining I followed.

The flat seemed to have three floors. Ground level, first floor and second floor. Perhaps this was where Shizu-chan lived; I came to that conclusion. It wasn't the fanciest flat in Ikebukuro, but I guess it seemed alright on the outside. A bit worn out, but alright. It had the classic metal stairs outside the building, leading up to the two floors above ground level.

We walked up the stairs to the second floor. Shizuo headed over to a door and unlocked it.

He was taking me home with him. This felt even more awkward. 'Something tells me that Shizuo likes me too? He just has a weird way of expressing that.' I thought, frowning.

Without hesitation I followed Shizuo into his home. It was so tiny.

* * *

Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

"Why have you taken me here?" I mumbled and Shizuo released my wrist. I rubbed it, pouting.

"Sit down," Shizuo said, pointing towards his tiny settee. The cushions were all flat and seemed rather uncomfortable.

"What if I don't want to? I want to know what's going on... treating me like that," I muttered, glaring at Shizuo.

"Suit yourself," the blond shrugged and went to the kitchen.

I frowned. I felt a chill down my spine and wrapped myself up in my coat; it was so cold. I even started getting a headache. Instead of standing in the middle of the hallway I decided to move closer to the settee. I glared at it, not really wanting to sit down, but I did it anyway.

The tiny living room was connected to the hallway and his bedroom. Shizu-chan sure was an untidy person; his bed wasn't made and his clothes were lying here and there. The coffee table in front of me wasn't totally clean either. An overfilled ashtray was standing on top of a bunch of newspapers. Several pens were scattered all over the table. Coasters and both new and empty cigarette packages lay there too.

I held both hands between my knees; gently rubbing them against each other.

Shizuo reappeared from the kitchen; holding two glasses of water. He handed me one but I just looked away; I was really mad at him!

The blond placed the filled glass on a coaster and sat down in the settee too. I sat in one end while he sat in the other. It was quiet, very quiet.

'Answer me...' I thought annoyed with the blond. Not a word. Shizuo, however, grabbed a pack of cigarettes and pulled one of them out. Out of pure reflexes I snatched both the package and the cigarette from Shizuo. I snapped the stick over in two and threw it on the table. Shizuo was just staring at me, sending a questioning look. Then out of nowhere he jumped at me, forcing me to lay down on the settee; the pack with cigarettes underneath me. He tried to find and grab a hold of it, but I kept him from doing so.

It felt a bit weird; having Shizu-chan lying on top of me. I immediately felt the heat hit my body; my cheeks burning from embarrassment. Shizuo moved away without saying a word.

I slowly sat up and looked at him; my cheeks still painted a light pink. "Won't you answer me?" I asked, fiddling with the pack.

Shizuo remained silent, just staring the other way. He was obviously pondering about something; I just didn't know what.

"Shizu-chan, answer me!" I raised my voice and threw the pack at Shizuo, only to have it sent right back into my face.

The blond rose from the couch and went to one of his many drawers. Clothes were scattered all over the floor as he dug into the drawer, looking for something. "What are you doing? Hey! Answer me!" I was getting frustrated. Why couldn't he just give me a straight out answer?

It seemed as though Shizuo found what he was looking for; a few pieces of paper. He glared at them, frowning. Shizuo seemed to tense his jaw.

Could this be my answer?

I was dying to know what was on those papers. 'Stop standing over there and give me those papers!' I practically screamed in my mind.

After a few minutes of tense silence Shizuo finally lay the papers on the table and stormed out the front door. I glanced at the papers and frowned. It wasn't written text on the papers, but old pictures. I was curious about the pictures but I also wanted to run after Shizuo, and ask him what was going on; but I chose the pictures. I carefully took the bunch of photos into my hands and leaned back in the settee.

The first picture was quite light; the colours blending in with each other which made it hard to see who was on the picture. I narrowed my eyes, concentrating on what seemed to be a little boy smiling. I turned it around to see when it was taken, but there wasn't a date on it.

I gave up on that picture and looked at the next one, which was in a bit better quality. There were two little boys sitting at a little pond, looking down into the water. There was a little frog sitting on the head of a water lily. The black-haired boy was staring down at it with a smile. The other boy who had blond hair was pointing at the living creature, an amazed expression on his face.

I frowned at the picture. Quite odd, because the blond-haired boy sure did look a lot like Shizu-chan.

Was the black-haired boy me then?

What was this supposed to mean? We were friends when we were little? I put the pictures back onto the table and rubbed my temples. "It can't be true... I don't remember hanging out with Shizu-chan," I mumbled.

I looked back up at the pictures and took them again. I had a close look at the black-haired boy. It looked like me but I wouldn't believe it.

It touched me deeply anyway. If this was true, then... what happened between us? How come I don't remember any of this? I wanted to know, and Shizuo seemed to be the only who could answer my questions. Then, why wouldn't he talk to me? Why wouldn't he tell me any of this? I felt sad, looking at the picture. Like I was missing something important in my life. A dear memory I could no longer remember.

* * *

_**A/N Okeydokey... xD YES, I know Shizu-chan **__**originally **__**has brown hair...but I wanted him to have blond hair.. hope you guys'll forgive me xD and thanks a lot for the reviews and the reads. I'm a happy little water lily ;) (sorry for the short update..)**_


	6. Chapter 6

I had put the pictures back onto the coffee table. I had looked them through a million times. I couldn't help it. They were so familiar and yet I couldn't remember experiencing anything like what was on the pictures. I tried to refresh my memory over and over again by looking at the pictures. Nothing. Where was Shizu-chan when I needed him? Why hadn't he come back yet?

I glared at the pictures, trying to keep myself from grabbing them again to look through them _again. _I leaned in closer to them and gently brushed my fingertips against the surface of the paper. Pulling back I heard the lock to the front door get unlocked.

I looked up at the door and leaned back in the settee, trying to act as calm as possible. But that didn't work out as expected. I felt my legs tripping from nervousness, my palms were becoming sweaty and I felt chills run down my spine. I bit the inner part of my cheek and interlaced my fingers.

I had so many questions, and I had been given no answers so far. I couldn't stand it! I wanted answers! It was in my nature. Answers, answers! Why was this information so hard to get? I had never bumped in to something as difficult as this before. It was tearing me up inside.

A mop of blond hair was seen at the door; a pair of brown eyes met mine. The look in his eyes was expressionless. His lips formed a thin line. He stepped in to the apartment and closed the door behind him with a low 'click'. His eyes never left mine.

The blond neared me and the panic immediately took over me. My palms were amazingly sweaty. I was shocked to feel how my hair gradually became moister. I acted normally, chilled.

'I'm not saying anything until he does. I'm not saying anything until he does.' The thought was repeated several times in my head.

Shizuo sat down on the settee; in the far end from me.

There were a few seconds of silence. I tapped my index fingers against each other and tried not to look at the blond. It was hard.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" I blurted out without meaning to. And I had told myself not to say anything at first. Sigh.

"What did you think about those pictures?" the blond asked as he looked towards his mess on his bed.

"Wha-? Don't answer my question by asking another question!" I let out and glared right at the amazingly calm Shizuo.

Shizuo didn't answer that one. Fine, I wanted answers so I guess I had to play by his rules. I looked back at the pictures and spread them out on the table. I had some favourites among them. I especially liked the one where they were sitting at the little pond. It was us, right? _Right? _

"Who are these two?" I asked, pointing at a picture.

Since I didn't get an immediate answer I frowned and looked up at the blond. His leg was tripping and he wouldn't face me. He seemed rather nervous.

"Shizu-chan?"

That sent a shockwave through Shizuo's body; it was quite clear. His body was tense now. It didn't know the word 'relax'. His leg had stopped tripping. Did he become a stiff piece of wood? I felt like poking him back to life but that would probably be a bad idea. So. Why not?

I moved closer to the blond and narrowed my eyes. I brought my index finger to his shoulder and was ready to strike but he turned his head and looked me straight in the eyes. I pulled my finger back and sat up straight.

He ignored me though and leaned over to grab one of the photos. The one with the frog. It seemed as though he was studying it like he'd never seen it before.

"You don't know who this is?" he asked and showed me the photo.

I frowned. "No, I don't… I have a hunch but that's all."

Shizuo was clearly dissatisfied with my answer. I pursed my lips and frowned once again.

"Who do you think it is then?" Shizuo asked, looking at the picture.

I hesitated before saying anything. "Us?"

Not a word. Not even a nod. Nothing. What am I supposed to think now? Am I right about my so-called theory? Was it us? Come on!

All Shizuo did was look back at the picture and tap his index finger against his chin.

"Yes." The word came unexpectedly, and I didn't know if I should believe it or not. Even though it can only be us then why did I decide not to believe it, when I had clearly told myself that it _was _us? What was I playing at? Did I want to believe it or not? Was he lying? Was _I _lying to myself?

I had a weird feeling in my stomach then. It felt empty. My body felt empty. I felt all the coldness hit me like a blast of air. I was aching. My head was hurting. Everything seemed to hurt. It felt like I was in another place at that time. It didn't seem real though. I wanted to get back and face this immense 'problem'. Yes, it was a problem since I couldn't remember anything from my childhood. When I thought about it that is. That must be an explanation to this! I was going to get to the bottom of it!

I seemed to have stared at Shizuo for quite a while; coming to terms with the situation. I snapped out of my trance in the end and was quite confused.

"Yes?" I repeated quietly.

Shizuo nodded and put the picture back down on the coffee table.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" the blond asked, frowning.

"Well.. firstly. I don't remember _any _of this," I said as I pointed towards the pictures. "And secondly, why haven't you said anything? I don't know what's going on!" I exclaimed, about to freak out from lack of information.

"These pictures are quite old, you know. 19 years old I believe."

"So…"

"I was five and you were four," Shizuo finished my sentence.

I nodded understandingly and gestured him to continue his little story-telling. Shizuo rubbed his temples and sighed before continuing: "You could say that we were… inseparable. I think we spent everyday together."

I just looked at him. Like a little child listening to his grandparents telling an old story. This however was far more interesting.

"And then… you had to move away. To the other side of the country… And we weren't able to see each other again," Shizuo paused. This was weird; sitting here and talking about our past. Shizuo seemed rather emotionless and it kind of annoyed me. It was like it didn't mean anything to him. But I knew deep down that that wasn't true. I guess Shizuo was very good at keeping his feelings at bay.

"Why?" I interrupted.

"Your mother had some business there. A new job I think it was."

I nodded.

He sighed. "But then you came back to live in town. Ten years had passed. We hadn't had contact for ten whole years for some reason," he paused and looked away. His body was tense again. Was the next thing he was about to say make him angry at me?

"And _you _couldn't remember me at all."

Silence struck us. I was confused.

"It was when we started in high school. We bumped into each other in the hallway and of course I was thrilled to see you… but the feelings weren't mutual. I remembered you just stared at me like I was some stranger." Shizuo let out a low chuckle. A tiny smile on his lips. But that was clearly a fake joy. The smile vanished immediately as he looked at me with somewhat sad eyes.

I tried to avoid eye-contact. I felt a bit sad. What had happened to me since I couldn't remember my childhood friend? "I… I'm sorry… I just can't remember." I felt stupid saying that. First of all, I wasn't one to apologize and secondly because I couldn't remember anything although I have so much else I can remember.

Shizuo didn't say anything to me but just continued: "And you acted strangely. Like, you kept annoying me all the time. You easily made me mad. I got into a lot of trouble because of you," he paused. "I stopped believing in you ever coming back to your normal self, so I played your game for all these years. I've learned to live this way, like it was our life right from the beginning. The mocking and the chasing. I've hated you for treating me like this… but."

It felt like he had tossed the whole world at me. I had never felt so bad hurting another person before. I felt guilty. What had I done? Why had I become such a person? I don't hate myself for who I am, I hate myself for treating a person like Shizuo like he was nothing. Just a pathetic human.

I waited for him to continue. I eagerly watched him as he ran his fingers through his blond hair. He was calm. Maybe he went for a walk to cool himself down before? I knew Shizu-chan had anger issues, and he had done a pretty damn good job not killing me.

"I can't hate you anymore."

That kind of lightened up the atmosphere.

"You're back."

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading! And thanks for the reviews! I hope this somewhat makes up for the short updates and the long waiting time lol.


	7. Chapter 7

A smile was plastered on Shizuo's face. It was obvious. I had never seen him smile like that before. It wasn't a big smile; just a small smile spread on his lips. Or maybe I had seen him smile like that before. I just couldn't remember it. How annoying.

I couldn't help but stare at his face; study his facial features. So perfect. So handsome. So _Shizuo-like. _Those gorgeous brown eyes stared back at me. He hadn't blinked yet. Was he thinking about something?

What had he said. I was back?

So, I had been gone, huh? Where had my mind gone off to? How come I had forgotten all about this blond man I was facing right now? How could I forget about us...?

"Shizuo..." I whispered carefully. As I said his name I glanced down at his hands. Studying his long fingers. His hands and fingers were rough. All those people he had beaten up. All those things he had punched a hole through. Poor Shizuo.

He didn't answer. He must be thinking about something.

I lightly coughed before moving a bit closer to him; my knee accidently hitting his thigh. I looked down at my hands; they were delicate and fragile compared to Shizuo's. I spun the ring around my index finger and felt the material; smooth and cold. I felt a light movement from Shizuo. I looked up at him and saw that his face was only a few inches from mine. My eyes grew big the moment they met his. I felt a hand sneak up on my back; pushing me a bit closer to him.

My hands flew up to his chest. My eyes were focusing on his lips which were slightly parted; hot air breathing onto my lips. I swallowed hard and I was trembling a bit. My heart was stuck in my throat, beating a heavy beat. The blond moved a bit closer; the tip of his nose gently brushing against mine. My crimson eyes looked back up at his brown caramel ones. So sweet. So at peace. _Finally. _

It took a while for my lips to part. It felt like they were glued to each other. My mouth felt dry all of a sudden. I wetted my lips; a pinkish tongue sliding against my somewhat dry lips before disappearing back into my mouth.

Shizuo seemed nervous. He's breath was shaky. The hand on my back felt tense too. I curled my fingers on his chest and closed my eyes before feeling his soft lips upon mine in a quick soft kiss.

'_Again.' _I demanded in my thoughts but of course they couldn't reach Shizuo.

It was a first kiss of uncertainty. Nervousness had obviously taken over. Shizuo pulled back quickly.

I opened my eyes and looked at Shizuo. Or his blond locks to be precise. My hands landed back down on my lap. I was a little surprised about the sudden kiss and the fact that Shizuo pulled away so quickly. I couldn't help but drag a hand up to my mouth and brush an index finger against my lips. _I had just kissed Shizuo... _

"Uh-uhm.." I let out.

Shizuo turned to look at me. Nervousness and anxiety written all over his face. His eyes wouldn't keep still now. He was still thinking though.

Wasn't this what I wanted? I loved Shizu-chan, right? Maybe I should do something to move this up a level.

I daringly got up from the couch and sat down on Shizuo's lap; one knee on either side of his legs. I placed my hands on his shoulders, my hands trembling a bit. I swallowed hard a couple of times. I felt even more nervous when he decided to look me in the eyes, just waiting for me to say or do something.

I leaned in closer to him. "I want those..." I whispered as I gently brushed a fingertip over Shizuo's lips. "Here.." I continued, brushing my fingertip over my lips. I felt confident all of a sudden, and it seemed as though Shizuo got the hint. The same familiar hand was placed on my back which pushed me closer. I placed my hand back on his shoulder and leaned closer to him. I started out by gently brushing my nose tip against his. Our hot breaths touched each other in the space between our mouths.

My eyes focused on Shizuo's lips. Neither of us dared to lock our lips. It took a while before Shizuo gave me a chaste kiss. I wanted more. I didn't let him pull back. No. I dragged a hand up behind his head to keep him in place before leaning in once again. I locked our lips in a deeper kiss. It was not passionate but it was deeper.

Shizuo didn't fight back however. He seemed to continue; making the kiss longer and deeper. I felt a tongue lick my lip. At that I lightly frowned but then slightly parted my lips. His tongue slowly slipped into my mouth. It felt wet and strange. Mostly strange. He licked my palate, it tickled a bit. But instead of chuckling I felt myself let out a low moan. I felt a heat strike my cheeks as I realized what I just did. I pulled back from the kiss and looked away.

"What are you doing?" Shizuo whispered and buried his head in the crook of my neck. I felt him start kissing and nibbling at my skin. I flinched at the contact and tightened my grip on his shoulders. I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes. I exhaled a shaky breath and concentrated on the nibbling at his skin. It felt good.

I felt Shizuo stop for a moment and I quickly whispered: "Don't stop.." I encouraged him to continue by rubbing the back of his neck, feeling the short blond hair. I felt a smirk against my skin before the kissing and nibbling continued.

"Shizu-chan..." I breathed out.

I heard a low chuckle coming from the blond. I didn't care anymore. I was lost in the world of pleasure. The blond didn't do much but the littlest things bring the greatest pleasures. My body felt hot. I really wanted to take my coat off but I wouldn't want to interrupt Shizu-chan either. Shizuo's hand travelled down towards the lower part of my back; it sent shivers down my spine. I let out a low moan, trying to suppress it but it didn't work.

I felt Shizuo pull back and I looked at him, my vision had become blurry. I blinked a couple of times to clear my vision. Shizuo was wearing a smile on his lips. I felt his hands on my coat, trying to take it off. I eagerly helped him.

My body felt hot. More kissing. More kissing!

But Shizuo did something unexpected. He wrapped his arms around me and rose from the couch. I wrapped my legs around his waist and searched for his lips with my own. It started with chaste kisses and quick licks. Then I sudden felt my back hit something soft. I looked around, only to see pillows and clean clothes lay everywhere on the bed. I was a little surprised as I looked up at Shizuo. He was removing his necktie; and began unbuttoning his black waistcoat.

'_Wow, wow... what?' _I thought as I looked at the blond remove his waistcoat and white shirt. Oh god that upper body. Shizuo towered over me and caught my eyes. I felt like stuttering something but I couldn't speak. Shizuo's body was amazingly handsome. His upper body was amazing. Those faintly showed abs on his stomach. His rough fingers caressed my cheek. I purred a low mewl of contentment.

Shizuo leaned down again to place a kiss on my neck. A trail of kisses were placed from my neck to my lips. He captured my lips once again, deepening it. It was a long kiss; a long and passionate kiss. Sharing our saliva felt good. He tasted good. _More. _

I needed air. The moment Shizuo pulled back I tilted my head backwards and inhaled a great amount of air. The veins at my neck were showing more than ever. I was exerting myself too much. I was out of breath. Shizuo was taking my breath away literally.

I was gasping for air for a while before I could allow Shizuo to kiss me again.

"Shizu-chan..." I moaned as he let me breathe again. He was an amazing kisser. I had never imagined that he would be _that_good. Shizuo looked down at me, a low chuckle leaving his lips. He snuck his hand under my shirt, feeling my skin. I flinched at the touch. My thighs tensed around his legs as he brushed his fingers past my stomach. He pulled up my shirt to give himself a good view of my stomach and chest. I felt embarrassed therefore I let my mind paint my cheeks a faint pinkish colour. I closed my eyes and tried to bite back the nervousness. Shizuo managed to pull the shirt off of me; making me lay there shirtless like him.

I felt rough warm fingers gently touch my stomach. They caressed my skin before moving up to my pinkish nub. I let out a low mewl as he brushed his finger over it. "Mm.." I let out, feeling a bit embarrassed. Shizuo continued however, gently squeezing the semi-hard nub. I bit my lower lip to suppress a threatening moan. That was when I felt the blond start licking my other nipple. My body tensed immediately. Pinching and licking at my nubs made me moan even more than I ever dreamed I would.

_'Fuck...' _I thought. It was turning me on!

Shizuo continued to please me, as long as I let out moans for him. I couldn't keep going like this, I wanted more. I couldn't think clearly anymore I just let my body decide what to do, as long as it felt good. And it did.

The blond pulled back and looked down at me. He seemed to be content. _Very _content. His gaze travelled down my chest and stomach, and then it stopped at my private part. I blushed a bit. I knew how I felt. Could he see it?

A smirk replaced the smile on Shizuo's lips as he dragged a hand down to my jeans. I blushed and looked away. _'Are we gonna go that far?' _I asked myself. Did I want to go that far?

I heard the zipper to my jeans get unzipped and I was inwardly panicking. Should I stop him?

I couldn't even if I wanted to. My body wouldn't let me stop him. I felt so good. I had never been so much in pleasure before. For a swift moment I felt a breeze hit my legs; Shizuo had removed my jeans. I was now only wearing my boxers. I opened my eyes again to look back over at Shizuo who seemed to be amused by the sight of my hardening member. He leaned back down over me and kissed my lips. I felt a bit awkward though.

I placed my hands on Shizuo's shoulders, caressing them before moving down to his chest. I drew circles on his chest before moving down to his jeans.

I decided to play a little dirty with my Shizu-chan. I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and snuck my hand down into his boxers, feeling his hot flesh. I felt him choke a bit into the kiss. Oh, yes. Shizu-chan was getting hard alright. I couldn't help but push his jeans and boxers down to his thighs. I played a bit more with his hardened member before he dragged a hand down there to stop me. Was I teasing him too much I wonder?

He kept my hands pinned together over my head and onto the bed. I smirked into the kiss, which made the blond groan in discontent. If I couldn't use my hands then I could use my hips. I wrapped my legs around Shizuo's waist and began grinding against his member.

"Fuck." Shizuo let out into the kiss. He broke the kiss and released my hands. I smirked at him and lifted myself up a bit to lean on my elbows. The moment I noticed Shizuo's member I blushed. Wasn't that a bit private? Not anymore I guess.

Shizuo just removed his jeans and boxers and let them fall to the floor. He pulled mine of as well. I really want to cover myself up but Shizuo stopped me before I could even move a muscle. He pushed me back down on the bed and began kissing me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. He lowered his lower body which made me flinch the moment our members touched.

"Shizuo.." I breathed into his mouth. My body tensed as I felt his hand touch me. Who would've thought that his rough fingers could be so gentle?

"Izaya.." he whispered, smiling. He kissed my cheek and then buried his face in the crook of my neck. His fingers worked on my member, making me feel harder than ever before. Stop teasing.

"Shizu-chan.. hnn.." I moaned. I just couldn't form a somewhat sensible sentence. My mind was clouded.

The blond let go of my member and pulled back. He spread my legs a bit more, and I bent my knees; giving him access to my entrance. He looked down at me, seeming nervous.

I felt ready. I mean, as ready as you can feel, right? I gave Shizuo a nod of approval. The blond slipped two fingers in to his mouth to wet them. I looked to the side and tried to focus on the wardrobe Shizuo had been ransacking to find those pictures. I felt the tip of a cold and wet finger at my puckered entrance. I flinched at the touch and tried to focus on something else than the finger which slowly slipped inside of me.

Damn that was hard. I couldn't help but focus on how Shizuo slowly pushed his finger inside of me. I opened my mouth and let out a silent moan. I grabbed the sheets tightly as Shizuo started moving his finger. I couldn't help but move my hips with his finger.

Short after he added a second finger. I gasped at that and clenched my muscles around the two digits which had entered me. He started moving as I clenched. I felt how my insides stretched. What Shizuo did felt great.

"Ahh-" I moaned and threw my head back onto the bed as I arched my back. "Shizu-chan.." I breathed out as I unclenched and clenched my insides. Shizuo however didn't stop because that. He continued, stretching and widening my opening. When he was content enough with it he slipped his fingers out and replaced them with something much better than fingers.

I silently moaned as I felt the tip of Shizuo's cock enter me. So _big. _He pushed himself further in before pulling a little bit out again.

"Mmh!" I moaned and clenched my insides again. I felt Shizuo's hand on stomach. "Relax..." he said with a soothing voice. I immediately relaxed and tried to keep that relaxation until Shizuo was fully inside of me.

Moments passed before Shizuo pushed himself all the way inside of me. I felt my insides stretch in a slightly painful way, but once Shizuo began thrusting I felt pleasure hit my body. My knuckles had turned white from the tight grips on the sheets. Shizu-chan was so big, it was hard to adjust to his size. It felt like my insides were burning but that feeling soon disappeared as ticklish feelings hit my body.

My body was trembling from pleasure. My mind was clouded, my vision blurry. The only thing I concentrated on was Shizuo's hard member slipping in and out of me. I was a moaning mess and I didn't want to keep myself quiet anymore. I looked up at Shizuo with blurry eyes , my lips lazily parted. He was sweating. His blond locks stuck to his forehead. He had a content look on his face. My eyes travelled down to his chest and stomach; so _handsome. _Shizuo began thrusting harder which made me throw my head back in pleasure; a loud moan escaping my lips. I gripped the sheets tighter and felt my body tense. I tightened around Shizuo, hearing him let out a low groan.

"Ah!" I heard myself let out as Shizuo touched something inside of me, something that made me feel completely at bliss. "Do that again..." I moaned out. The blond seemed to smirk. He did it over and over again. My body was going crazy. I couldn't take much more.

I tensed my entire body as I felt the ticklish feeling come back to me, although this time it was much greater. I threw my head back and moaned as I came; white semen on my stomach and chest.

I was relaxing in the afterglow of my climax as Shizuo came too. The white hot semen filled me up. I moaned at the feeling. Just after the blond pulled out and took a deep breath before towering over me. He leaned down towards me and placed a soft and gentle kiss on my forehead. He then gently bumped our foreheads together. At that I closed my eyes; completely at bliss. I let out a sigh of relief and closed my eyes; my body completely relaxed.

"Mh, Shizu-chan.." I breathed out, feeling his forehead against mine.

"Kiss me."

I heard Shizuo let out a low chuckle before I felt his lips pressed gently against mine. A long and passionate kiss ended out first time.

Hopefully it won't the last.

* * *

_**A/N Oh my gosh, it was so weird to write this chapter... smex-scene is smexy. I think it's quite cute too :)  
Thanks for reading, and thank you so much for the reviews! (this chapter kind of makes up for all the short chapters :))**_


	8. Chapter 8

_"Ouch!" I exclaimed as I landed on my behind. I gently rubbed my lower back as I looked around, confused. It was dark all around me, pitch black. I looked behind me; there was a staircase going upwards. I turned to look in front of me; the staircase continued downwards, too. I had landed on a staircase! I looked panic-stricken around, trying to make any sense of where I was. I flinched as I felt a pain shoot up through my spine. Back to rubbing my lower back a bit. _

_A few minutes passed before I got up on my feet. There were no banisters so I slowly made my way down the stairs. _

_I let out a low "Hello," but no one responded. But then I heard the sound of wind blowing and I felt how an invisible force pushed me down the stairs. I landed firmly on my behind again. Ouch. _

_I immediately got up on my feet again and looked around; there was no one there. I was surrounded by darkness. Whilst rubbing my lower back I made my way down the stairs. There was no end to this staircase! Frustrated, I let out a scream of anxiety. Nothing. _

_I was pushed down the stairs again by the invisible force and landed on my behind... again. "This has got to stop!" I shouted out into the darkness. Silence. I took a deep breath before running as fast as I could down the stairs. It really was infinite! I stopped and tried to catch my breath. Panting, I looked around; still surrounded by darkness. _

_I sat down on the stairs again and flinched as I felt the somewhat familiar pain again. "Ouch..." I mumbled and rubbed my lower back. "Stupid stairs." _

_I had to admit that the place I was in was rather scary. The air was cold. I caught myself staring into the darkness, and felt how it drained the light out of me. As I sat there in my deep depression a thought sprang to mind. Shizu-chan. I covered my eyes and began to imagine what had happened. I caught myself smiling as I thought of the kisses we had shared. They were passionate and... perfect. Why wasn't he here with me? Why couldn't he sit here next to me and hold me tightly? I let out a sigh and dragged my hands away from my eyes but they squeezed shut immediately. A bright light lit the room up and the darkness was gone. I blinked rapidly to let my eyes adjust to the bright light. _

_I felt air all around me. Like I was floating on air. My vision cleared and I looked around. No darkness. No emptiness. Just pure white. I was about to get up on my feet but then I realized I wasn't sitting on anything anymore. I looked down and saw white fluffy clouds everywhere below me. _

_At first I thought it was a beautiful sight but then I began to panic and fluttered my arms. Just as I broke the calmness in the air I felt how I began to fall down, down, down, down. Through the clouds, through the softness and onto a bed. I bounced up and down for a while before it became completely still. The pain in my lower back was back again and I turned to lay on my side to rub at it gently. I was in a king-size bed but the other half of the bed was empty. There were no sheets or pillows. Nothing. I sat up and looked around. Now I was in Shizuo's apartment. Or not. Because this place was tidy. I chuckled. It looked like his apartment._

_I swung my leg over the edge of the bed and looked down. There were three meters to the floor! I gaped. Okay, fine. I turned around and grabbed the edge of the bed as I pushed myself off it. I was now hanging beside the bed. I squeezed my eyes shut and let go of the edge, feeling myself fall down._

* * *

I woke up by the hit on my head. My back was lying flat on the floor, my head buried in a pile of clothes. My legs were resting up against the bed. I had miraculously dragged the sheets with me. I sleepily removed whatever was on top of my face and cast it aside. My eyes were still closed. I dragged both my hands up to my face to rub my eyes. Yawning, I cleared my vision. My head was hurting, my back was hurting... something else... was hurting. I muttered something incoherent and rested on my elbows, looking at the position I was lying... or sitting in. I slid my legs down onto the floor and sat up against the bed. I flinched at the pain.

I sat there quietly for a few minutes, thinking about the dream I just had. It was weird and... yeah, weird. I sighed and got to my feet, using the bed to lean on. I removed the sheets from my body and tossed them onto the bed. I accidently covered Shizuo's face with the sheets. Whoops.

Thoughts ran through my mind and I began to blush. Firstly, because I was thinking about... dirty things, and secondly, because I was standing there _butt-naked. _I looked around for some clothes and spotted a white shirt. I grabbed it and hurried to the bathroom.

The door was locked, check! I sighed and looked in the mirror. I looked terrible. Like I hadn't slept at all. I pulled a grimace and sighed once again. I looked over towards the bathtub and a little smile grew on my lips.

After a few minutes the bathtub was filled with water. I stuck a toe in and felt the calming warmness indulge me. I carefully set my foot down and the other soon followed. The warm water embraced my body and I felt as if I was in heaven. I sat down and felt the same pain once again. I ignored it this time and sunk deeper down into the warm water. "Ahh..." I sighed in relief and closed my eyes and leaned up against the edge of the bathtub. "I could sleep here..." I mumbled to myself.

But I didn't sleep. I thought about everything that happened last night. The way Shizuo had been so loving and caring. So unlike him. There was another side of the brute. What I enjoyed most were the kisses. I would want him to kiss me like that every day. It felt like I didn't know the brute after all. I felt shivers all over my body as I thought of the _sex. _I bit my lower lip as my foot rubbed against the floor of the bathtub. However my daydreams were abruptly interrupted by the sound of someone opening the door. My eyes flew open as I saw a tall blond standing in the doorway. I dragged the shower curtains towards me to cover myself up. "Shizu-chan!" I exclaimed, surprised. The blond stared at me before walking in. "H-Hey! What are you doing?! Can I have some privacy here?! And how did you get in? I locked the door!" I exclaimed and glared at him. "And for god's sake put some clothes on!" I said as I looked away, blushing. I felt the curtains get ripped out of my hands and I looked up towards the blond. "Well, sorry for not telling you but the lock doesn't work... and I'm getting in, too," he said and stuck his leg in. "Wh-What!? H-Hey!" I exclaimed and dragged my legs up against my chest. The blond sat down opposite of me and let out a sigh of relief. His legs were on both of my sides. I wanted to get out of the bathtub but I didn't want him to see me naked. What a dilemma.

"So, did you sleep all right?" Shizuo asked, looking for the soap.

"No." I muttered. I tried to keep an eye contact with Shizuo but whenever he looked away I was tempted to look at his... no. I blushed again and buried my face in my knees.

"How come?" he asked and pulled his legs away from my sides.

I looked up at him and noticed that he had moved closer to me. "Uhm, well. I had this weird dream. That's all."

"Just a dream..." the blond said and moved his head closer to my neck. I felt the blood rush to my head immediately. I titled my head to give Shizuo some space.

"But last night wasn't..." Shizuo whispered and placed gentle kisses on my neck.

"Shizu-chan..." I whispered and wrapped my arms around his neck. My body was tense but I relaxed at the gentle touches and kisses. I made a wrong move and flinched in pain, letting out a low mewl. My hands flew down under the water to rub at my lower back.

The blond pulled back and looked curiously at me. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not. It hurts. My lower back hurts..." I mumbled.

Shizuo was silent for a while before saying, "Do you think it's because of last night?"

It could be that...

"Yeah, maybe," I said, annoyed.

The blond leaned back in the bathtub and sighed. "Maybe I'm too big for you."

I twitched. "Excuse me?" I started. "No one has _ever _touched me there before so _obviously _it's got _nothing _to do with your size!" I exclaimed.

Shizuo laughed and splashed some water at me. I gaped at him and splashed water at him, too.

After a few minutes there was no water left in the bathtub...

* * *

_**A/N I haven't updated for quite some time... sowwy. Accept my apology or I will cry. Oh and sorry for all the errors in the previous chapters... I'm too lazy to correct and reupload them D: **_


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